We are sixteen days into the new year and *how ‘r you doin? Feeling good about the success that’s coming? Well, you should. Now, let’s talk about getting there.

So, I little story about myself which I think you might find inspiring. When I was 19, I had just failed out of college (music school); I was back living with my parents, and my life seemed pretty dismal because I had no direction whatsoever. So one day my dad sat me down and explained that I need a goal that I’ll be working towards then he offered me an internship at AT&T Bell Labs in Middletown, NJ. Bell Labs, if you didn’t know, is a world-class research facility focusing on all things communications. A few of their many inventions are first sound recording (1925), Computer Animation applications (1960s), and Detecting “Big-Bang” Radiation (1960s).

I ended up having a few different internships there. During the first one, I was doing hand and computer drafting, which I seemed to be good at but, after a while it got boring. (Which is why I was fired from one job designing ambulances. I tried to get the plotter to recreate an art print and, well… I broke it, so I (thankfully) had to go.) I had a few more drafting jobs after that, and sure, I did my job, but that’s all it was. A job.

When the Bell Labs internship ended, I went back to school and just took random courses in liberal arts, still with no goal and wasting my parent’s money. But then I got this not-so-bright idea and ended up trying to go to school for what? Engineering. (I shudder even as I write that my math understanding ends at algebra 2 and goes no further.)

Engineers made mucho dinero. I had made friends with some engineers at the Labs and they told me that it was a fulfilling job that made serious cash. So I was in.

Wow, do I wish I could go back to my 20-year-old self and say STOP, you idiot! But I can’t. So I ended up at Plymouth State College in New Hampshire in a trigonometry class. It started at eight in the morning and I had to drive an hour to get there in the freezing darkness of early morning. I don’t remember the prof’s name, so Ill just make something up. How about Professor My God-This-Woman-Is-So-Freaking-Mean? She wore these shoes that would make the loudest noise coming down the cold, cement hallway floor, making me shudder. Why? Because that wasn’t where I was supposed to be! Why was I trying to be someone I wasn’t? Omgosh, it was awful. No matter how I tried, I couldn’t understand what she was saying, let alone doing.
(BTW I just checked out some trig problems and there’s a ton of memorization involved. I think if I took the class now, I could at least pass.)

So I, of course, did not complete the course, dropped out again, feeling like a total failure.

I spent many nights praying to the Lord to send me on the right path. One Bible verse you might want to consider is Proverbs 16:3: Commit your works to the LORD and your plans will be achieved.

And then, my old boss from the Labs offered me another internship (a second chance!) and (Tada!) I got a job in the art department.

And then my season of success began. You know why? Because I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. Creativity is who I am—it’s what I do.

In the summer of 1989, my beautiful Aunt Carol got me to watch The Little Mermaid, and I became obsessed with becoming an animator. I found a school in Florida, and decided I wanted to go there.

So I made a goal to get into the Ringling School of Art and Design. I went back to community college and got my Associates in Art in six months. I stayed home every weekend drawing and painting and learning. Then I had myself a portfolio and applied to Ringling and… I was one of 40 people accepted into the computer animation program out of like 200 applicants. Success!

The goal I made coincided with what I was good at! Once I figured that out, parts fell into place for me. There was no more disorder and pining to do something that wasn’t part of my natural ability.

I attended school that year and returned home, then headed back to work at Bell Labs. And that’s when I met a manager who needed my services and I got hired as an animator!

I did another year at Ringling, returned to NJ, and started my final internship at Bell Labs, except this time, I wasn’t making coffee. I was actually creating cool animations for the technology that my group was producing. I stayed with the company for eleven years. It really wasn’t a job…it was like going to work every day with family (that you liked) and watching amazing things unfold.

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Find your thing.

So, what’s my story have to do with yours? When I finally found success, it was when I started to know myself and know the thing in my heart that would make me happy and make money.

What’s the thing in your heart that you really want to do but don’t?

Be an entrepreneur? Work at a zoo? Be the curator of a museum? Work with kids? Be a YouTube star? Ask for God’s help and see what happens!

Don’t have the answer yet? If I may suggest, put down the cell phone/tablet, shut off the news, close out the internet, and take some time out to be quiet and think and listen. Listen for God’s voice. What’s the thing that brings you peace and happiness? Is there something that’s part of what you like that you can make a living from?

There are tons of resources on the internet to find a new career. And, you’re never too old! I started a whole new career after I was a mom! It happened to use my skill set as an animator, but I still had to take courses before I was any good at it.

Maybe the thing you want to do hasn’t been done yet and you’re a trailblazer! Ever think of that? Yes, you could be the next… oh I don’t know… Elon?

Remember: The world needs who you were made to be!

I would say if you’re looking to do something for the first time, or just changing your career, first, decide what you like to do. Look at your hobbies. Is there something there that you would like to do for a living?

Please add your comments, questions, thoughts to the bottom of this page. I’d love to hear them!

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*Side note: Before I moved to South Carolina, I used to say “How you doin?” because in Jersey that’s what we say. Notice New Jersians can remove the “New” from New Jersey and just say Jersey. You know why that is? Because everyone who lives there doesn’t actually have time to say “New” or the ‘are’ in how ARE you doing? (Nevermind adding the G to doin.) So now, because I live at a slower pace, I’ve added the ‘r’ in how’r you doin? - See? I think it sounds more southern. Eventually, I’m thinking I’ll just say “how y’all doin?” when I finally become a local. Of course, it could take years to shed my Yankee-isms.

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• We live in a culture of criticizing.

• Stop listening to the meanest person in your head.

• Here’s a strategy that helped me.

Some years ago, I was somewhere in my 40s, and I woke up one morning, and before I actually opened my eyes, I heard a voice in my head criticizing me. It was saying things like:

• You’re a horrible mom…

• You didn’t close that deal for work six months ago…

• When’s the last time you cleaned the bathroom…

• You still haven’t finished (fill in the blank)…

• Your neighbor looks better than you do…

It was a voice I had heard all my life. It sounded like my voice, but really it was the voice of my father, a man who I believe possibly majored in criticizing members of his family in college. But after a while, especially I would say after 25, you can’t blame your parents anymore. You have to do something about it yourself and be your own hero.

A Culture of Criticizing.

Criticizing is really the culture now, isn’t it? From reality shows to political debates, they make almost everything we see for us to criticize. And, might I add, that most of the time it is the people on these shows that we are criticizing. Why are we doing that? Don’t we have other things to do? A higher purpose?

Social Media is a critic’s dream. I was thinking about adding some examples of really mean posts, but what’s the point of that? It’s negativity all around and I prefer to keep it positive.

Think about it. What exactly are X (Twitter) and Facebook primarily used for? Criticizing. I am appalled at what I see coming from everyone, from neighbors to complete strangers, as it sometimes seems that people lose every sense of civility when they get on that keyboard.

Here’s a scenario that you might recognize:

You go to a party and have a great time talking with other people. In fact, when you get home, you are pretty much talked out…but then a small voice inside criticizes something you said, or did, or the way someone responded to you made you think you said something wrong. Then, as you think more about it, you begin to spiral down into anxiety that informs you that you probably won’t be invited back.

That used to happen to me all the time. Even if I was hanging out with good friends, I would still think I did something wrong.

Mean people are awful, so don’t listen to them.

People are going to be critical. But I think the best friends that I have are the ones who understand who I am, and accept me for that. They offer constructive criticism, but they never make me feel bad about myself. Do you have any friends who are critical of you? Maybe one who seemingly likes you, but still puts in a little dig about your appearance or tells you some way you reacted was wrong? Can you talk to them about it? I’ve unfortunately lost friends over criticizing, but others I’ve kept who when I told them, they didn’t even know they were doing it.

So I’m here to offer you a challenge.

Stop the habit of criticizing yourself and remember who you are.

Getting back to the mean person who might be in your head. The first thing I did was recognize that this was not what I thought of myself. I’m not perfect by any means, but I’m not the things my thoughts were telling me.

• I’m not the perfect mom—in fact, I’m often surprised that God gave me a chance to be a mom at all — but I try hard.

• Yup, that thought was right. I never closed a deal for that company I previously worked for. I’m rarely negative, so I knew this wasn’t a thought that should me feel bad. I did a lot of good things while I was there that should make me proud.

• Nope, I’m not the best at keeping house. Well, unless the phrase is keeping the house dirty.

• Will two small children, I finish quite a few things. I finish reading kid’s books; I finish hugging and I always finish my tea at teatime.

• Okay, yes, I’m pretty fashion challenged. Well, right now I am. And yes, my neighbor (who is very nice) is married to a doctor. She has a nanny and is in a different tax class than I am being a stay at home mom who married to a firefighter. So, there’s absolutely no reason to compare myself to my neighbor (or anyone else).

What can you do to stop it? (Because I know you can!)

1. Identify the conversation and its source. Are you feeling happy one moment but the next you are feeling sad? Maybe that’s the inner critic telling you something that’s not true. Keep a journal of what you hear in your head and write a response to that inner critic. You’ll most likely notice that what it sadi isn’t true. And what if it is true? Give yourself a break, go make a plan and execute it to make it right.

2. Master the art of gratefulness. Every time you hear (or feel) that voice coming, don’t listen, then shut it down with gratefulness. Be thankful for who you are or who you want to become.

3. Practice mindfulness. Be in the present and focus on what’s in front of you because it' refocuses your brain on something different than the voice.

4. Do not compare yourself to others. You are on your own journey, etching your own path forward. Remember, there is no one like you and there never will be!

5. Help others. Volunteering can bolster your self-esteem in immediate ways and can provide some ammo when dealing with your negative self-talk.

6. Find a good therapist. Having someone to talk to who’s objective and can help you work things out is always a good idea. No insurance or can’t afford one? Many churches offer services to help you talk things out and can provide a much needed resource for your well-being.

How did I do it? Seriously, as soon as I identified the source and was aware of what was happening, it just faded away. Every once in a while, it’ll start up again and I remind myself of who I am, and usually it fades away.

Side note: If you are a beginning writer (or even a seasoned one), let me tell you that you may hear that voice in your head once again. It can be loud and menacing, but you must ignore it. Get yourself a good writing group either online or at your local library. It will help!

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Last year, I failed miserably at a job in a high school cafeteria*. I believe God gives me people and experiences to further my understanding of things, so I wasn’t so upset that I had to change jobs, but I was concerned for the people that I worked with.

One woman specifically warranted prayer from me. I could tell from what little she said that she hadn’t had such an easy life. She looked to be about forty, had an adult son who suffered from symptoms of autism, and the manager of the cafeteria drove her to work every day.

Once during our shift, she mentioned that the next day she was going to try and get her license back after losing it because of a stolen car issue (everyone worked in one room, so I couldn’t help but overhear conversations). I guess in New Jersey, if your license has been suspended, you have to pass your driver’s test again.

The next day she came in very disheartened as she had failed the test, apparently, again. I could tell that she felt completely defeated, and I guessed this wasn’t the first time in her life she had felt like she couldn’t accomplish something.

After I put in my notice, it was my last day and as I was leaving the parking lot, I saw her outside waiting for me. It surprised me to see her because she rarely spoke to me during the day.

“I’m sad that you’re leaving,” she said, surprising me even more.

“Thanks. You know,” I said, smiling at her, “You will pass your driving test. You’re smart and you already know how to drive.”

She looked at me like I had just told her she had won a million dollars. “You think so?”

“Of course. You were driving for a while before you lost it. I failed my first driving test three times. I know you can do it.”

She stood staring at me, and in a moment, a smile came to her face. “Thank you.”

While driving home that day, I realized there must be so many people who never had a supportive parent or some other person in their life that cheered them on. Someone who got them excited about a dream they had and was there to tell them they could do it.

I’m here, right now, writing this so you’ll know there’s someone in your corner; someone who believes in you. Someone who knows you can do it!

Henry Ford, the inventor of the Ford Motor Company and the man who developed the first assembly line, said it perfectly. “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

And if that’s a little too vintage for you, look at this one: “Do or do not, there is no try.” …Yoda from The Empire Strikes Back.*

Don’t know what to do when those self-doubt thoughts come? Just remind yourself that you can. Your new mantra should be: “Yes, I can.”

Want to write a book? Yes, you can!

Want to become a voice-over artist, pilot, scientist, have a wildly successful YouTube channel or go to college, go on a cruise, exercise more? Yes, you can!

Here’s what you’re not: too old, too young, too _________ (fill in the blank). Success does not discriminate. You can do this. I’m not blowing smoke here.

Now, alongside of your new mantra “Yes, I can,” mindset, there needs to be a series of actions. So, after you tell yourself that you can, research what it will take to get to your success at the end. I know, I know, they all say, be detached from the outcome, but I never completely understood that concept. Why shouldn’t I think it’s going to happen? What’s the alternative? Thinking that it won’t? Well, I’m not thinking about that! It’s pointless!

I have visualized my paperback book in my hands several times. When doctors told me I couldn’t have a baby, I saw my child in my arms. So I say if you don’t want to look at the outcome, visualize the completion of each action. Step-by-step is what it takes to get there. And every once in a while, if you want to, I give you permission to see your success right in front of your eyes. Cool, right?

Also, if I may add, I consult Jesus every step of the way and I thank Him for my successes (and failures) as I go along. I mean, he’s the whole reason for my life season, so I believe He should get the credit.

In future posts, I’ll write more about this topic. I have a big list of things I want to accomplish this year, this quarter, this month, today. Here’s an example of how I’m starting.

• I want to publish 15 books this year. (I have no idea how I’m going to do this but I’ll document it all for you to see and learn from).

• I want to grow my Substack to 2000 paid subscribers.

• I want to start a wildly successful YouTube channel.

So that’s where I am right now. I’ll keep sharing my actions with you as I go along, to inspire you to keep going! What are you thinking of doing this year? Leave me a comment - I’d love to hear it!

• Footnote: In case you were interested, I was good at making sandwiches, and the kids at the school loved me, but I was not so good at making sure the register was correct and that’s a big deal for a manager. The manager was extremely toxic, though, tearing people down and making fun of them. I mean, seriously, you’re making fun of a mom who is trying to earn some money for her family? I showed up on time every day and came to work with a smile. But sometimes I did mess up, and that manager was not so forgiving. So that is why I didn’t stay.

• * I love everything Star Wars.

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